A Watched Chicken Never Lays

I know what you're thinking.

That.  Is.  Not the Expression.

Which clearly indicates that you have never been to the Congo, because that is a Congolese proverb from way way back.
(Trust me.  I know.)
(Except that I didn't.  I had to look it up.)
(It's a true proverb.  I didn't just invent that.)

You can always tell when a chicken is getting ready to lay an egg.  It finds itself a nice little nesting spot in the coop, and then starts to buawk and squawk in decibels that rival that of a Guns & Roses concert,
(it's like having a baby, that way)
(except chickens do it EVERY DANG DAY)
which makes you run around the house closing all the doors and windows to shut out the racket, burying your head in the sand to the noise that is surely sending your neighbors into a tizzy, because this isn't a farm, you know.  There's an Applebee's right around the corner which would totally not be there if this was a farm.

Afterward, though, you're certain that you've got yourself a nice fresh dozen sitting out there.  So you send the kids out to collect them and they come right back in and say,

"No eggs yet, Mom."

You know why?  Because a watched chicken never lays.

A few mornings ago, Prince Farming walked into the kitchen carrying two white eggs, and said,

"I just watched the chickens lay these eggs."

I was immediately skeptical because he was lying.

"Yeah, I was just standing there watching and they started to lay, and then these eggs just popped out.  Right in front of me.  Right there."

He motioned with his flat hand outstretched in front of him to emphasize the 'right there' part.
Because, you know, he was lying.
Like a rug.

The idea of actually watching a chicken lay an egg is kind of...I don't know....revolting?  Not to be gross, but do you know where those eggs come out?  It's the same place that horses use to drop a steaming load on the sand, endlessly entertaining my children as to the bodily functions of the equine.

I feel like egg laying should be private.  No one really needs to see that.  Let the poor chickens lay their lot in peace. 

But.....There's always that moment when no one is around and curiosity gets the better of you.  One of the birds starts to squawk, and you think to yourself,

"I wonder....."

So, you slowly open the door, and tip toe ever so softly to the side of the coop, and stand as quiet as a little church mouse for a sweet forever, your feet freezing in the wet, morning grass, hoping to see something that will probably make you never want to eat eggs again.

And nothing happens.
That chicken just keeps buawking and squawking with its tail full of egg until its eyes pop out of its head and all its feathers explode like dynamite of its body.
That bird is not going to lay that egg.  Not while you're standing there, it's not.

You know why?

Because a watched chicken never lays.
That's all I'm sayin'.